Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
