I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
