My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
