i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
