it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
