i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
