home. puking in laundry basket.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
