I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
