My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
