I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
