am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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