glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
