went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
