Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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