Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
