Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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