I'm going to rape someone's good day.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
