Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
