I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
