I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
