You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
