In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
