im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
