Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
