I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
