that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
