I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
