I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
