I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
