1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
