It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
