the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
