and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
