didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
