How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
