he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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