it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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