you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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