i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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