Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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