i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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