i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
