Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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