Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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