we made out on top of his cat.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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