You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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