Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
