so explain again why im purple
no
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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