I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
