just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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